I have such awful anxiety.
People always make me so unbelievably nervous. People I don’t know, I just assume their intentions are negative. People I do know, I think they trust others too much, and I feel like it’s my responsibility to keep an open mind to the possibility of them getting hurt, not hearing what they want to hear, or things not turning out how they planned.
It’s so hard for me to maintain friendships because it bothers me when people repeatedly put themselves through awful scenarios, then shrug it off. I care an awful lot about the people close to me. I don’t like seeing my friends, significant other, or family getting thrown around.
I stay up late stressing out about past relationships with people; how I could have helped them, how I could have ended those relationships better, etc.
I am constantly worrying. I am constantly wanting to make others cautious of what’s around them, even when it’s not my responsibility.
I can sit here all day long and tell those around me that I don’t care, but I care way too much. When I try and tell those who are making bad decisions what they’re doing, and they do them anyways, I have a tendency to walk away, because I don’t want to be there when everything is falling apart. I cannot handle that much negativity when it could have been preventable. I wait until things calm down again.
This past year, I have went through a lot of self-change. I have learned to better deal with my anxiety, how to balance things better, and how to talk about what’s going on. I definitely hit rock bottom about this time last year, and since then, it has been trial and error to make me a better me.
Communication is so important. I have lost the most important people in my life because there wasn’t enough of it. When you have a tough time dealing with anxiety or depression, the best thing to do is talk about it.
Sorry this is so long and jumbled and personal.